I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
