When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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