and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
