That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize