Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
