yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
