We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
