Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
