Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
