I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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