Me too!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
