As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
