I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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