An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize