so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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