My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
