I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
