Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
