Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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