I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
where are my eyebrows?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
