I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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