I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
