an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
this will be a night to untag.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
