So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
