Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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