is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
