i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
