Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
