I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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