like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
as a side note pls kill me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
