It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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