Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
