dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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