About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
