Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
