Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
