I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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