another moral hangover. fuck.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
