my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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