Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
