I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize