He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
