I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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