I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
