hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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