I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
