no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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