No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
