he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
