my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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