I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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