Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
