At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
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