I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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