I'm going to jail i love you
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
