Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The adults are the big ones right?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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