We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize