How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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