Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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