my text book just quoted the cookie monster
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
