I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You ruined the universe
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
