My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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