Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
