you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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