***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
