I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
