If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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