To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
