i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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