so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
