Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
