Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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