I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize