): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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