Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
