either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
