john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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