You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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