Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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