is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
