she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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