dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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